You’ve got your campaign and it’s going pretty well. The party is following your plot threads, they’re engaged, and just generally everything’s going swell. Except one player has been arguing your rulings more and more frequently. They’re saying that the ogre should have died already because it has 59 Hit Points, and that’s not how Witch Bolt works. What should you do? Hint: look at the title of this post.
That’s right, we’re going to talk about talking today! Even with the most saintly of players, you’re probably going to have to talk to them about something negative at some point. The campaign I’m running at the moment is made up of a selection of six players that I specifically selected because I’d seen them play in other games before and knew they would be good players to DM for, but even then I still occasionally have to talk to them about something.
For example, one of the players is playing a character that can be quite the jerk on occasion because he isn’t good with social cues. Now, that’s all fine and dandy until it starts annoying the other players, so I talked to him about toning it down or making it something used for comedic beats.
So how do you do it? There’s a post over on Reddit (here) where u/The_Unreal presents this chart:
Honestly, I could just stop here because the chart does a pretty good job of explaining what to do, but let’s take a look at this chart in closer detail, shall we?
First off, you identify the problem and talk to the player or DM. The chart doesn’t mention it here, but you should talk to them privately. Don’t make a big deal of it at the table, even if they’re currently making a big deal of something. Wait until after the game, get them alone, and talk to them politely. If you’re aggressive, that’ll just put them on the defensive and then nothing will get done.
If that fails, ask yourself if this is a problem for everyone or just you. If you’re the only one with an issue, then either let it go if it doesn’t bother you too much, or leave the group if it does. No D&D is better than bad D&D. If this player’s behavior does bother other people, I would add in the step of talking to them as a group, just to make it clear that you aren’t the only person their behavior bothers.
If they still don’t listen, then either leave it be if it’s not a big deal to y’all, or ask the problem player to leave the group. The chart, in its attempt at humor, phrases it as kicking the problem player out, but it’s never a good idea to burn bridges. Just tell them that your group isn’t a good fit for them and that they should find another group to play with. You can still be friends outside of the game, you just don’t have to play this game with them.
A common reason someone gives for not talking to problem players is that they don’t like conflict. Out of everyone I know, I abhor conflict the most, and I manage to talk to my players just fine. If I can do it, so can you! And remember, no D&D is better than bad D&D, even if you don’t think so in the moment.
C. Daniel Bush 